| Monday, January 19th, 2009 |
| 12:21 pm |
Trying to write in here a little more. Been writting more recently in my notebooks which is always a good thing. I'm lonely. Hopefully I'll be getting far from here real soon. Anywhere. |
| Friday, September 5th, 2008 |
| 12:10 pm |
General Statements
Yo, haven't written in this for 5 years, figured it was about time. I've changed a lot, the old entries didn't represent who I am today so I figured I'd throw a few things down. I don't believe in love, religion, or free will. My likes are reading, writing, interesting conversation, sex, and hating things. I'm a pretty blank slate in a pretty dirty world. I probably don't like you. Have a great day! |
| Sunday, January 30th, 2005 |
| 8:55 pm |
there are very few people in this world that i consider friends and even less that makes me happy. so Ashlee, Kay, Anna, and Stephanie, i know most of u wont see this, but thanks for being there for me.....makes my life a lot easier. so i thought a friend of mine liked me and of course i found out i was wrong. i guess its good in some ways but yeah...... need hugs and kisses! we finally have our singer if i havent already said it and its great. we are now a complete think. we are going to play shows we are going to rock and we are going to have a blast. its time to enter this madison music scene and kick its fucking ass......sorry for any virgin minds ive just killed with my vulger language SIKE! later Current Mood:  crushed |
| Wednesday, January 26th, 2005 |
| 9:13 pm |
so things are a bit better now. i dont feel as bad as i did the other day. thank u to everyone tha was there for me. i'm still pretty lonely but eh i guess i cant make it better. i miss being in love.... so yeah my band is comming along nicely with our new songs. i was hoping to get 3 done by the end of january, we got 1 and a half so i guess im ok with that. we should be trying a new vocalist soon which will move us along and motivat us further. if u want any info on our band just talk to me and ill let ya know. well i guess ill get off here. check ya later. |
| Saturday, January 22nd, 2005 |
| 7:57 am |
everything feels so hopeless right now. im going to work in 3 hours, and i know after work no one will be able to hang out and even if they could everyone will just get wasted and ill still be in my own world. i was drinking again last night, and i know i should have been and i almost cried infront of everyone. i hate that every other day now i wish it was my last day on earth. everything is a battle anymore. i have no one that knows who i really am and i cant filter through my feelings. i had sex with her again.....it just makes things more awkward and rediculous. i dont like confusing her and i know this sex thing prolly isnt a good idea but it makes me feel good its the only time i feel im doing things right. im getting an immediate and positive reaction. deep down i just want to be held and loved. i dont want to be lied to. i want it all to be ok, even if its a week fling i wanna know some cares about me! why does everyone seem to want me gone but keep me close enough to hurt me when they want to. im starting to realize that im going to be alone, and its scarey to me. i dont understand why i just cant be happy without and drugs or alcohol. this emptiness cant seem to be filled. i feel like an ass posting on aim whores, hoping ill meet someone that will live close to me, meet me, change my life..... i guess i know deep down it wont happy and today, im giving up. ill just have to keep smiling and faking happiness. Current Mood: empty |
| Sunday, January 16th, 2005 |
| 2:13 pm |
Wil-Mar center show
things got way out of hand. kid got way too drunk and told all these people this website sucked and flipped out and broke stuff and was just a danger to everyone. i didnt get to play anything, but i did teach a kid the oompa loompa song and he played it for a while. jeremy rocked on this guitar that was in the wrong tuning and did a face melting solo that i couldnt believe. mosh pits were crazy, i was dancing to the funky sounds of Ca$h cRop and i guess all in all it wasnt too bad of a show |
| Saturday, January 8th, 2005 |
| 8:10 am |
well i guess things have gotten better, though i wish i wasnt alone. sometimes it cool that life can change, and sometimes i just wish i could feel comfortable. anytime something changes that i think is pretty set, i get this vertigo feeling for my entire life. anyways, my last day of punishment for losing work and they make me work 3-midnight. im a little more than pissed needless to say, at least ill be alone for the last 2 hours of work and on my lunch break at 7 this girl i used to have a giant crush on said shes going to take a bus out to see me. makes me feel really special... anyways thanks for reading this whineyness. check ya later Current Mood:  optimistic |
| Tuesday, January 4th, 2005 |
| 8:45 pm |
she admitted to me today that in the one week's time that we broke up she had sex with one guy and went out with 2.....needless to say i feel a little less than inadequette. ive got to be the lowest thing alive but i guess it doesnt matter anymore. she told me she loved me so i went all in. i promised after renouncing faith in god that i wouldnt never follow blindly and never believe in anything like i had with christianity, yet i did and was crushed.... she lied to me about it for three months. how could she live with herself. i hate her and yet i know a big part of me as died with her leaving. she wants me to be friends with her now, so please comment with advice and suggestions on what to do or continue doing to quit..... Current Mood: crushed |
| Sunday, December 26th, 2004 |
| 12:33 pm |
dont know whats going on anymore. i want a girlfriend so i dont feel so lonely all the time, but i want to be single so i have my freedom. why cant things just be easy.....when i was little, i was hungry, mom fed me what we had and i was happy, now im picky and everyone wants me to leave. rediculous....i also seem to be very open seeing as no one around here ever wants to do anything so if your bored IM me and if ur close enough or bored enough u can call or we could hang out, i cant drive though Current Mood:  confused |
| Wednesday, October 20th, 2004 |
| 8:59 pm |
so me and brina are fighting again because well, im a very open and excepting person. she on the other hand is very racist. i cant stand it but i dont know how to change it and she told me how she hates the fact that everyone is trying to change her. i miss when we were just ignorantly happy. i love her but i dont know how much longer this stress can go on, but i dont know how i can leave her. when she holds me, i feel like im alive. when she looks me in the eyes and tells me she loves me, i feel like i actually matter. how can i give this up! i just, wish i could be happy. lately ive had this problem with feeling alone. i feel so seperate, like im inhuman or something. i wish something would just change me, or the world, or someone would come into my life and clear everything away, tell me the perfect way to be......a man can dream |
| Sunday, October 17th, 2004 |
| 2:13 pm |
so me and zabrinia got back together again. i really messed things up but in a way, im glad it happend now so we had time to fix it and it wasnt too built up to kill our relationship. she should be comming down here monday or tuesday and if im REALLY lucky when she gets home from work she will drive down today. i dunno what to do anymore as far as friends go. everyone here seems to be on a differnt page than me. everyone wants to just smoke or drink themseleve retarded while i sit back and watch and get made fun of or even worse, completely shut down and ignore. i mean seriously. i will start a story and they will turn there whole bodies away from me and start a conversation with someone else. a lot of family problems are going on now to. its rediculous. i went to a wedding yesterday and nothing happend but my family fighting and me getting pissed off. well im gunna watch the packer game. ill write soon |
| Sunday, October 10th, 2004 |
| 8:35 am |
hey yall. sorry bout the wait, ive been busy with work and what not. god am i hungary right now. someone feed me! ive been into the community thing more on here and i dont know how many of u even bother to read about my boring life but yeah i hope im worth the time. anyways, me and brina broke up. i think we just need a little time apart to explore the rest of the world. i dont like thinking ill be with one person from now till the end of time. it makes me feel like i could be missing opprotunities to learn and grow. maybe im just greedy or selfish, but i need the time. i want to meet new people without having guilt and being yelled at about it by anyone that gets jelous. ill be on aim and msn as usual. mildlyretarded33 on aim and mflom1@hotmail.com on msn messenger. ill talk to yall soon i hope. i could use the company. Current Mood: hungry |
| Monday, October 4th, 2004 |
| 8:52 pm |
ahhhh! happy birthday to me! sunday was fantastic......i wont go into to many details but Brina came down sunday and we had a LOT of fun. lol. happy brithday to ME! we saw "The Forgotten" which was actually i movie really hyped up that i actually liked. kinda hard to follow when u have ur mind and um....hands on other things but yeah it was totally worth it. i bought the last tool cd i needed, aenema. in my opinion it is the best because of stinkfist and 46&2. im so lucky to have someone like her. lately ive felt sort of empty, but when zabrinia came down, i felt whole. everytime she leaves i feel a little piece of me goes with her. i dunno, she just called so i better go. ill add some other time. later |
| Friday, October 1st, 2004 |
| 8:30 pm |
so zabrinia could come on saturday and i got super depressed over it. but luckily shes getting her car fixed that day and is comming down on sunday! it will be a lot of fun. and the next day is my birthday so yeah! tonight im sleepin at bens and the tomorrow night at tylers. those guys always got my back. lately things have been fucky. it seems everytime i speak, someone feels the need to totally shut me down, ignore me, or someone else talks over me. i barely get out 3 words before im interupted. only one person has appologized thus far and really i gues i dont care. if u dont want to hear me, just tell me. but dont ask me a fucking question then ignore the response ya know? well anyways im gunna go. ill check back in maybe monday.... |
| Thursday, September 30th, 2004 |
| 7:08 pm |
so yeah this is my first entry. i got this because sometimes i wanna write and yeah i dont feel like doing it all on paper. so yeah ill be writing every now and then just because i feel like it. i might throw a few poems in here from time to time. i like writing poetry, that and my life is boring! lol. i dunno. if u got any questions about me just ask in a comment. ill answer anything u ask because i dont care much about anyone thinking anything because most people dont think anything. anyways ill check back some other time |
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
mildlyretarded3's journal